Loss and Grief: Jessie’s Story

Grief is a dense emotion and runs so deep. It triggers abandonment, a feeling of hopelessness and loneliness, spiralling into feeling frozen in time and a lack of motivation or willpower for life.

Usually we don’t want to face the pain of loss, so we cognitively dissociate or numb out from it. We love so deeply that the thoughts of letting go creates inner havoc, anxiety and confusion. But our nervous system implicitly remembers everything through its neuroceptive memory (ANS, connective tissue, fascia, nerve cells and nerve circuits, muscle memory, sensory banks). We will be reminded of this through recurring symptoms eg ongoing migraines, sicknesses, rumination, chest pain, anxiety attacks, flare ups, inflammation, constant nausea

Subconsciously, there’s a belief that if we free ourself from the inner pain of losing a loved one, that we will forget them, or we’re actively trying to “let them go”. With that comes shame and guilt, that we are doing something “wrong”. Holding onto the pain of the loss is showing them (and ourselves) and the people around us, how much we lived and adored them, that we are “loyal” to them. I’ve heard these narratives from many clients who have incurred loss. They’re running themes. The fear of guilt and looking like a “bad person” for “letting go” and “moving on”. A fear of judgement from self and others.


Freeing your body and nervous system of the deep pain lodged inside, healing a hurt heart, means you can move fully through the bereavement process where you can move into acceptance. Our nervous system craves to heal. It wants to move back into a stable and regulated baseline.

Releasing the pain doesn’t mean you will ever forget those you have lost. Or that you won’t still hold them dearly in your heart. Or that you won’t still have your low days when something triggers a memory of them.

Releasing the pain allows you to reconnect with the love, happiness and joy you feel for them. Pain blinds us of remembering who we are at the core of existence..


Holding onto the pain isn’t an act of love. It’s a fear of “letting go” and surrendering to a new reality without your loved one(s) physically here. In somatically releasing the pain, you can reconnect with them in a whole new way. Through the remembrance of unconditional love, not hurt.

Feelings and emotions are embodied. Trauma, grief, stress, pain are all felt experiences. We cannot talk out the pain, we have to feel it in order to process out the energy behind the traumatisation, otherwise it’ll stay stuck in the somatic system. For Jessie it showed up in sever jaw pain, as she describes in the videos below.

The body is the unconscious mind, and although we may consciously have moved forward, be sure that if you haven’t released the energy out of the nervous system, it is lying dormant in your internal stream and will/is showing up in a multitude of symptoms such as emotional dysregulation, inflammation, dis-ease, dissociative spells, cyclical dysfunctional eating patterns, ruminating thought patterns, gut problems, low immunity, breathing and heart problems, skin flare ups, engaging in unhealthy relationship’s, poor posture, panic attacks, physiological tension and muscle aches, fibromyalgia, diabetes, to name a few.

These are physical manifestations from the energy that is lying in the nervous system and somatic body. It was there well before it became in physical fruition. The body is communicating through motor and sensory information as it speaks non verbally and implicitly. It also speaks through bodily processes via chemical and electrical signals, particularly through the endocrine and musculoskeletal system

Developing a brain-gut-body coherent pathway. practising neuroplasticity protocols, toning the vagus nerve, and developing a strong interoceptive pathway (ie being in tune with sensations) means you will strengthen your connection with your whole internal system. You will form a relationship with the body and nervous system, so that you will know what language it is speaking to you through its various cues. Through this you will free yourself (neurally, cellularly, energetically, biochemically) from the past.

Here is my client Jessie, who is a Reiki Practitioner, sharing her experience of moving through the grieving process

She lost her father to Dementia 4 years ago. While she “dealt” with the loss mentally, the cognition of the body and narrative in the nervous system, yielded a whole different story. As are stated, it was like an exorcism coming out.

Grief is hard.

Letting go of grief is just as hard if not harder.

We clutch onto any connection we can feel for them, even if that connection is the pain we feel.

If we stop feeling our pain, do we loose them?

I will always feel that pinch in my heart because there was so much love there and always will be for my Dad, but I can release the pain from my body and choose not to keep new pain stored. Expressing myself when I need to, releasing the pain when I feel it.

My connection to my dad is in my heart, my joy, my smile, my bright energy it isn’t in my pain.

But I love my pain. It reminds me of the incredible love between me and him.

This came up for me during my wonderful somatic session with Danielle

Provided with the safety to let go and the most loving guide.

Let people help you. It’s beautiful to be helped but you must allow it first.

I love giving my clients that space of warmth and safety.. to recieve it myself was beautiful. I’m so happy i listened to myself and booked in.

There is so much to learn from your emotions. They’re teaching you and guiding you❤️

The vagus nerve is the “magic” behind healing. lalways say this with reiki.. I love reiki but I don’t do it without breathwork. And I feel that my “power” is creating the safe space for someone and I’m very hands on and nurturing which I feel helps someone to relax and feel safe to release.. and obviously they slip into their pns from that relaxation and vagus nerve activation.. That’s the magic. It is the key. The secret to healing:…

Blessed to have found your work and to have worked with you. I was fascinated with the vagus nerve and learnt so much from you.”

Follow Jessie on instagram: @thesoulmedic.irl

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